Please send your suggestions to

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

foleni za kwenda bafuni

We ni mswahili pale upangapo foleni za kwenda bafuni kuoga kwenye nyumba za kupanga. Wababa/Washkaji kusimama nje ya bafu wanasubiri utoke huku na miswaki yao mdomoni na hapo hapo wanajadili yanga, simba, arsenal, man etc ilivolala jana ilhali wengine hawana hata TV, kumbe walicheki kupitia dirisha, jirani, bar etc!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Chapati na Gazeti (2 in 1)

Makindi said...

We ni mswahili, pale uamkapo asbuhi na kumtuma dogo au kwenda mwenyewe kununua chapati ambazo unafungiwa kwenye gazeti. Unakula chapati zikiwa na wino mweusi wa gazeti, unashiba na kulala kwenye mkeka na lile gazeti (ulilofungiwa chapati) unaanza kulisoma tena.

Monday, March 8, 2010

omba omba noma!!

You know you are a Mswahili when you are afraid to help the beggars on the streets of Dar cos you fear you're gonna get paralyzed, start growing fur and get asked to kiss the beggar and disappear from your car instantly without a trace!!!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Mobile phone identifier!

When you can tell the name of the manufacturer, model number and specifications (bluetooth, MP3/Polyphonic Ringtones, GPRS, Camera Megapixels) of any mobile phone by just hearing the ringtone.


When you call every single petrol station "Shell" yet there isn't even a single shell petrol station in the country. eti, Kwani ulisema hiyo Shelli ni ya TOTAL au BP?

Am a star!!

When you get a little public attention and you think you are some super star wanna do each and everything. Football coach-Movie star, Mpoki, Masanja, Kanumba nk Musicians, Miss TZ wote movie stars. Konda wa daladala, mpiga debe wote Trafic police kwenye jam. In short unapenda kuuza sura!!

Movie Commentator

When you are watching a movie with others and you are explaining and commenting on every single scene in the movie to the others as if they can not see and hear themselves.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Habari ndo hiyo, no comment!!

First come, first served / do you know who I am?

When you spend too much time at the counter/booth/ATM or when you don't understand the concept of first come first served, you jump the queue/foleni and when someone asks you to go back you start asking, eti, "hivi unanifahamu mimi nani?", "do you know who I am?"

Shosti! naomba moto!!

When unaona uvivu kununua boksi ya kibiriti ya kuwashia moto kwenye jiko la mkaa, alafu kila siku unamgongea hodi jirani yako asubuhi eti "shosti! naomba moto?" Wengine eti naomba chumvi, nyanya, vitunguu, dah, kama vile amefika supa maketi!!!

Vikorokoro kibaooo!

When you have makorokoro kibaooo yano ndani kwako and u dont even need them yani hata huyatumiii eti unaifadhi kwa baadaye lol man i luv being mbongo...

I'll be back in half an hour

You know you're mswahili when you say you'll be back in half an hour and you actually take the whole day.....that is non-punctual!

nipo njiani, nafika sasa hivi!!

U knw u r a mswahili when u say upo njiani wakati ndo unaamka!! au unaelekea posta na hapo bado buguruni mtu anakupigia simu eti "uko wapi?", bila aibu "niko hapa mnazi mmoja subiri dakika tano tu, nafika!!"

I love you Baba/Mama

when unaona haya au aıbu kumwambıa mzazi wako I love u baba or mama au mzazı kumwambıa mwanae I love u son or daughter..

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Line ya TIGO lazima!

Utajua wewe ni mswahili ukiwa na line ya simu yani SIM card/Kadi nyingi na mmoja lazima, yaani lazima lazima itakuwa ya mtandao wa TIGO!

Now you know why line ya tigo ni muhimu!!

Kupanda na kuvuna

Utajua wewe ni mswahili kama umeshawahi "kupanda na kuvuna" DECI kwa kutumia ile hela milioni 5 ya michango ya harusi ya watu alafu unaambiwa DECI imefutwa, na harusi inakaribia!!!

When you still believe in love at first sight

Albino/Zeruzeru hunter

When your witch doctor tells you to bring an albino arm and skin if you want to get rich and successful and you believe him so you're busy hunting and killing albino's in your village, eti "dah ckuhizi albino dili!" Jamani huyu ni binadamu kama wewe, why? kwanini?


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

When you have to rescue the police!

When announcements like this are common

The island of Zanzibar welcomes visitors and continues to be the same peaceful and secure environment that we are proud to be part of. Thank you for continuing to support us. We will issue an update as soon as mains power is back on line.

Nani mwenzangu?

When you beep someones number and when they call you back you ask, "nani mwenzangu? where did you get my number?"

Monday, January 25, 2010


A Mhaya from Karagwe was admitted to a Hospital in Dar for a heart transplant. Prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have his type of blood in store, just in case the need would arise during the course of the surgery. Apparently he had a rare type of blood, which couldn't be easily found at the hospital. A call went out to volunteers from different regions in Tanzania . Luckily a Chagga man from Marangu had a similar type of blood. The chagga willingly donated his blood for the Haya man. After the surgery, Mhaya sent the Chagga as appreciation, a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars. The Chagga was of course delighted and amazed by Mhaya's generosity. It was later discovered that the surgery was not very successful and Mhaya had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Chagga who was more than happy to donate his blood for the second time. All went well with the second surgery, and in order not to look so mean, Mhaya sent the Chagga a thank you card and a jar of sweets. The Chagga was shocked to see that this time Mhaya did not reciprocate his kindness as he had anticipated. He phoned Mhaya and said to him 'I thought you'd give me expensive gifts like you did last time. But you've only given me a thank you card and a jar of sweets'. To this the Haya man replied 'Massawe..... I have Chagga blood in my veins now'

Blame it on the network

When you get cut off in the middle of a phone call cos you're outa credit and when the person calls you back you blame it on the network!

Customer service for wazungu tu!!

When the customer service lady treats u like dirt and thinks she's doing you a favor, and when she serves the mzungu she feels like she's being done a favor!

Disco mijibabatoto???

When u take your daughter to a disco toto just to find mijibaba ikinywa kilimanjaro imetuliza humo and you end up wondering whether its disco mijibabatoto or its discototo!.

Sharing Charger!!

When you're sharing your phone charger with your whole family AND your neighbours...

Leather jacket in Dar heat!!

When you walk around wearing a scarf and leather jacket in Dar heat just because it's the newest 'thing'...huckii joto jamani?

Kiswahili kigumu!!

When you can't speak your own language properly.
You say:-



Kulilia soda ya mgeni

kama umeshawahi kufanya the following in ur TZ lifetym:
>Kulilia soda ya mgeni
>Kucheza baba na mama
>Kulilia nguo ya sikukuu
>Kuwipe makamasi na primary school uniform
>Drinking maji ya bomba, obviously not treated
>Claiming sickness 2 skip Skool
>Mixing up Kisw na Engl ka mimi...

bongo flava hailipi!! who said so

when your ultimate goal in life is to become a famous musician yet you have never even attended a single music lesson!! and when you fail you talk sh*t like bongo flava doesn't pay!!

Am madly in love with you stranger!

when you chat with an anonymous person 4 a few days and tell him/her, 'am madly in luv wt u'

Serikali inapaswa kusaidia

When some TV reporter asks your opinion about any problem/calamity and you always begin "Serikali inapaswa kusaidia..."

Mdingi - hela ngumu!!

When your dad gives you less pocket money and tells you mwanangu, when I was studying we used to get only like 20 shillings, and ur wondering Yeah that was then, but what about all this inflation and deflation stuff!!! Its a different world today!!!


When you take someones mobile phone and first thing you do is dial *102#

Usiniambie / Don't tell me!

When you are used to Saying "Usiniambie", You now Say "Don't Tell Me!"

baridiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, motoooooooooooo

when you use words like, loooooooooooooong, wengiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, tamuuuuuuuuuuuu, mdogoooooooo, ya motooooooooooo, baridiiiiiiiiiiiii to express extreme sizes quality and quantity.


When your ultimate concept of going out is nyama-choma in a dingy joint while grooving to ngwasuma!!!

Towing the break down service truck!!

When the breakdown service truck is being towed – I saw that today!

Crashing weddings!

When you still got in your hand bag the toothpicks and napkins from the wedding you attended last month without an invitation and you probably didn't even know the bride and groom!!

Crashing weddings!

When you still got in your hand bag the toothpicks and napkins from the wedding you attended last month without an invitation and you probably didn't even know the bride and groom!!

Maisha bora kwa kila Mtanzania!

When you live in a mud walled and coconut branch roofed house with your family and relatives and your next door neighbour lives in a bungalow with his girlfriend and you only see them once in a month cos most of the time they are in their other 2 storey houses in another city.

Compliment kiunafiki

when you praise someone for how good they look, yet they look like shitt..unafiki huo.

White superiority

When you always take whites to be superior n praise every little thing of theirs.

"cna hela"

When u keep complaining "cna hela"......typical Tanzanian

Relatives \ wandugu \ extended families

when you describe someone like this "Nina
shangazi yangu ambaye aliolewaga na baba yetu mdogo, wamezaa watoto watatu, sasa kuna yule mkubwa aliye maliza chuo kikuu juzi, ambaye tulikutana naye mwaka jana kwenye harusi ya binamu yetu, sasa achana na huyu, kati ya wale wawili waliobaki kuna yule mdogo wakiume ambaye anasoma songea wana dada yao ndo rafiki yake alitutembelea juzi!!!

Star celebrity / Choka mbaya!!

When you are trying to live like a star celebrity while you're poor, Yaani choka mbaya!!

I've never given a bribe"

when being able to say “I’ve never given a bribe” (Sijawahi kutoa rushwa) is something worth getting a prize for

Salary advance

when you ask for a salary advance a week after pay day!!

Invitation to lunch!!

when a nice guy invites you for lunch at an expensive restaurant and you come with three other friends!!

Mkapa with a swagger!!

When you think this image is really funny!!!

Tamthilia narrator!

when you don't know English but you can narrate the last episode of "Shades of sin" to your friend!!!

Question? for question?

When someone asks you a question and you always respond with another question!

ATM queue's

when you go to an ATM machine and find like 20 people kwenye foleni waitin for the same machine!!!!

Usafiri kiubishi ubishi!

When Kijana mtanashati brotherman wa nguvu, unagombaniwa kama
mpira wa kona baada ya kushindwa kulipa nauli ya Sh. 250 tu, kwenye Dalalada kati ya Tandika na Mwenge Jijini Dar es Salaam. Tozi umelipuka viwalo vya maana unajaribu kutaka kushuka katika kituo cha mabasi Karume Ilala, lakini unawekewa ngumu na kondakta na kurejeshwa ndani ya basi kwa nguvu kisha kupelekwa hadi Mwenge na kuachwa kituoni ili utafute usafiri wa kurudia.

Shopping at kariakoo

when someone sells u shoes at kariakoo streets just to arrive at home and find umefungiwa malapa moja nzee na sandal moja isioeleweka!.

bus transport

When you travel comfortably in one of these buses!!

You're the expert!

when "I don't know" is never a part of your vocabulary, you are an expert on anything and everything!!

Sikukuu at ocean road beach

when you have spent klismasi, pasaka, mwaka mpya, siku ya wakulima short sikukuu yoyote at ocean road beach either once or too many times to count!

Smartphones and Internet Cafe's

You know you are Tanzanian When you own a smartphone and you still go to the internet cafe to update your Facebook status!

Buying large size clothes/shoes

When you are young, your parents buy you clothes and shoes at least two sizes too big so that they would last longer.

Cheap phone calls at night

When You only make telephone calls at a cheaper rate at night.

No planning

When u walk frm urafiki to ubungo standi to wait for a visitor n u did not carry money 2 pay at the gate, neither did u carry a fone 2 communicate 2 the mgeni mtarajiwa!.

Your pirated music and video CD's

When more than 90% of the music CD's and cassettes in your home are illegal copies

Heh, eh and Eheh

when, "Heh" or "Eheh" is a part of your vocab!

Pointing with you lips!

when you point at something with your lips !

Whats cookin?

you pass by someones house and you know what they gonna have for dinner cuz u can pretty much see and/or smell what’s cooking

Niko bize!!!

You know wewe ni mswahili when your vernacular (kiswahili) has enough common greetings to fill a dictionary, but you still use English to explain that you are “busy.”

eti, Dah! jamaa yuko buzy kichizi.

Detergent powder soap for washing hands in restaurant

You know you are in Tanzanian when you usually use laundry detergent powder to wash your hands in restaurants!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

You know wewe ni mswahili kama unafanya any of the following

You know wewe ni mswahili kama unafanya hizi vitu

1. You talk too much.

2. You sleep at the airport just to wait and catch a glimpse of Drogba with the Ivory coast team.

3. To board a bus in the evening you climb through the window to get a seat even when the bus is just half full.

4. You greet someone in more than 10 different ways before... getting to the point on what you wanted to say.

That's just a start, more to come, give your own suggestions.